1. |
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|
At any given moment,
someone is either being born or dying.
Existence is so meaningful and meaningless.
In another life
I might’ve had a better understanding
of why I do the things I do in this one,
perhaps weaving a new self
out of this mess.
The history of the eternal instant, like bloodlines,
The human communion of fragile breath...
Everything looks wet,
on fire with an invisible flame.
I like not knowing
what’s gonna happen.
I lets me have my hopes
and leaves room
to love my way through the fear.
After all that life
that I threw away,
Now here I am,
begging for it back.
If I’ve got the money,
then you bet I’m gonna spend it.
We like it when the streets are empty,
when everything is silenced by snow.
Most of my time waiting
at red lights lately
has been spent deciding
what I really want
and what I really need.
All bets are off.
Existence is so
meaningful and meaningless.
Like circling the square,
a triangular truth,
my finite defiance and
its compliant timing...
I got loaded to empty myself.
It’s all of the above
if the above is none at all.
If we were misleading,
then we didn’t mean it.
The subtle but persistent feeling
of being out of place,
the inexplicable urge to
push people away.
Did we really learn a lesson
if we didn’t break the pattern?
I am influenced by ice melting,
a snow-covered forest,
all that firewood that could be.
I mean, don’t hold me holding it
against you against me.
I wouldn’t know how loved I was if I didn’t leave,
changing to be able to access certain parts of myself,
but now other people can’t access me.
90% of your life, you are living
in a forgotten memory.
At any given moment
someone is either being born or dying.
I guess none of this matters
unless we make the meaning.
Another instance
of how instantaneous this
blip of existence is,
it’s not like we had a say in any of it,
except when we did.
|
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2. |
My Worst Nighhtmare
05:08
|
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|
All at once,
it became easier to believe
in gorgeous fortunes
and breakable bodies.
Every sensation getting caught in my skin...
She gasped like a lullaby on fire,
"I love you I love you I love you..."
I know I was supposed to say
the same hundred things
a hundred better ways.
And I know hundreds of people
have forgotten every knowing me,
they've seen me sleeping
and haven't gotten around to
thinking about me in years.
|
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3. |
Trauma as a Party Trick
04:31
|
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4. |
What Not To Do
04:41
|
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5. |
B.B.
05:17
|
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6. |
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7. |
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8. |
Nag Champa
04:31
|
|||
|
She says that nag champa causes nausea.
Trickle up my neck, baby, blurry-eyed and topless.
Footwork/mouthwork, I want to be studied.
Someone please figure me out.
You are your own healer,
tending to psychological wounds
like licking a bruise.
I decided to not look anybody in the eyes
unless I was allowing them into my life.
I took too much before the party,
so I took a shower in the sink.
I’ve been watching the trees around me
grow and shrink
until the bottles are all emptied.
Now I can hardly see,
and all I hear are birds.
I have spent so much of my life so far
hating younger versions of myself.
Ideals crumpling up like elegant garbage,
the expected lifespan of your
several constant strands of stress...
It was just a bunch of accidents
that were as random
as we had planned ‘em.
And I’ll never forget how far away
she felt when she told me,
“If you don’t think about yourself so much
then you won’t be so sad.”
When the moonlight
drips like warm sunshine,
not thinking at all
is easier than
not thinking about you.
|
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9. |
Copywriter
04:04
|
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10. |
It's Been Two Years
04:29
|
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11. |
It's Been Four Years
03:21
|
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12. |
Little Sweet Dreams
02:22
|
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13. |
Let's Go Camping
02:06
|
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14. |
Brain Food
05:42
|
|||
|
I’m writing this song
because I don’t want to bother you with my thoughts.
If you wanted to talk, you would’ve called,
and if I want you to be different, then
maybe I want someone else, or no one at all.
I want myself, I want to love myself
so much that other people love me more,
I want to love someone who loves everyone,
I want to be awakened all the way,
which I can’t do without inspiration from another human’s energy,
I’m forgetting how amazing people really are.
I’m writing this song
because I don’t want to forget
how amazing I really am.
(lol)
A day doesn’t go by without
feeling foolish and afraid at times,
but if I don’t leave room for magic to happen,
then I’m not living up to the fact that I have a life.
So I will just be grateful for the fact
that we ever crossed paths at all,
and as long as you’re happy...
But it would have been nice
if you could’ve moved into the spare bedroom
in my house and quit your job
and write songs and laugh all day.
I’ve settled in to being more careful
about who I choose to share my life with.
Every minute is precious,
but it’s yours
to do whatever you want with it.
Every life is precious,
it doesn’t matter how many
of them there will be
and always have been.
But just like everyone else,
each of us gets our very own existence.
When it comes to brain food, these days
I’m so picky that I only know how to love big
and I only know how to do it from a distance.
I know that if I got what I wanted,
I’d do what I always do best and ruin it.
Knowing this helps me not want anything too much.
I’m a sucker for a sweetheart
or at least someone who even gives a shit.
|
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15. |
Solstice Drops
09:29
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16. |
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17. |
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18. |
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◦ ꋪꍏꀤꈤ ꀸꍏꋪꍟꌗ ◦ Portland, Oregon
mostly unfinished bedroom demos and lo-fi experiments.
◦
NEW THINGS
COMING 2024
◦
currently looking for someone to start a new project with.
◦
... more
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